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Thread: Pub Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Place your pub jokes here comrades:

    My girlfriends got a tattoo of a seashell at the top of her inner thigh.It's great if you put your hear upto it, you can smell the ocean

  2. #2
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    Do you want a free Nokia N90, free sim card, 1000 free text & 1000 free anytime any network mins a month, you'll get a free 42" LCD HD ready TV, Free apple ipod nano, free matching pair of lazy boy armchairs with free amstel mini-fridge, 12 month minimum contrat at £1.50 per month?
    Simply log onto:
    www.dreamonyoucunt.co.uk

  3. #3
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    A woman goes to the doctor's with a bit of a lettuce hanging out of her fanny.Doc says ''that looks nasty''. She sez ''Nasty?. it's just the tip of the fuckin iceburg!''

  4. #4
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    A gypsy wedding in ireland ends in a riot, police arrest 20 & they end up in court, best man says to judge ''Can i explain wot happened, it's travellers tradition for the best man to have the first dance with the bride which i did.I was dancin very close.The groom runs at us and kicks his bride in the fanny!'' ''Gosh'' says the judge, ''That musta been sore'' ''Sore?, he broke 3 of my fuckin fingers!''

  5. #5
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    Teacher asked class for a 10 letter word, jonny said masturbate! Oh, said the teacher that's a mouthful, no said jonny ur thinking of blowjob & that 7 letters.

  6. #6
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    Man says to wife, i fancy kinky sex, how about i cum in your ear? She say no i might go deaf! He says i've been cumin in ur gob four 20 years & your still fucking talking!

  7. #7
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    Welsh man walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hands. The welsh man shouts ''Paid a yfed y dwr mae'r gwartheg yn cachi yn y dwr'' (Don't drink the water , it's full of cow shite).The man shouts back 'i'm muslim, speak English, i don't understand you''. the welsh man shouts back ''Use both hands, you'll get more in''

  8. #8
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    What do you call a POLISH prostitute?...........
    Slobberdown Micock Yabitch!!

  9. #9
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    The best engine in the world is the fanny. It takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with one finger & every four weeks does it's own oil change. It's a pity the management system's to temprimental!

  10. #10
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    Woman in a coma having a bed bath when she responded to touch around the vaginal area. The nurse called her husband in and told him that oral sex may wake her.He went in & two mins later she was dead.Nurse asks what happened? He says dunno, maybe she choked!

  11. #11
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    Wot's black and screams?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron :P

    Marco.

  12. #12
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    Alcohol free lager , it's like lickin yer sister's fanny............................................. .. tastes the same but it's just not right.

    chezi

  13. #13
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    LOL. Nice one

    Little Johnny walks into his parent's bedroom and sees his dad giving his mum one. His dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts "get out, ya wee diddy".

    A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's room. He rushes in and is horrified to see Johnnybeasting intohis gran - Johnny just looks at him and says "It's not so fuckin' funny when it's your mum, is it?"

    Marco.

  14. #14

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    ELP FAN wrote:
    Place your pub jokes here comrades:

    My girlfriends got a tattoo of a seashell at the top of her inner thigh.It's great if you put your hear upto it, you can smell the ocean

  15. #15

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    why did the pervert cross the road??

    cos he couldn't get his cock out of the chicken



    Yes, pish i know !!!

  16. #16
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    ELP FAN wrote:
    Welsh man walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hands. The welsh man shouts ''Paid a yfed y dwr mae'r gwartheg yn cachi yn y dwr'' (Don't drink the water , it's full of cow shite).The man shouts back 'i'm muslim, speak English, i don't understand you''. the welsh man shouts back ''Use both hands, you'll get more in''

    nice one andre, and the others too.

    wish i could remember jokes

    good at being one tho, the other week a copper came round about something and i said good cuntanoon aftable, he said what have you been smoking, it must be good have you got any spare.

    Honest



    Thru.

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    Little Johnny walks in on his mum in the bath. poining between her legs he asks "mum, what's that"

    "oh, er, that's where daddy hit me with an axe" she replied

    "shit! that must have been sore, right in the fucking !!!!"!"
    "It's ok your comments are noted, so if you want a war you've got one. Watch your back, ya !!!!...." in an email from Marco 3/4/09

  18. #18
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    A little boy comes into the kitchen one day and says to his mum ''Granny's got a prawn!'' The mother says ''What on earth do you mean?'' The boy takes his mother and shows her Granny, stark naked asleep on the sofa.He points to grandma's protruding clitoris and says, ''Granny's got a prawn!'' His mother whisper's ''That's your grandmother's clitoris son!'' To which the little boy replies...''Well it tastes like a prawn!''

  19. #19
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    Every day a man walks up very close to a lady co-worker standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her ''your hair smells nice''. After a week of this she went to see personnel & put a sexual harassment complaint in against him..The personnel manager said ''what's wrong with him saying your hair smells nice?''.She said ''it's keith the fooking dwarf!''

  20. #20
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    ELP FAN wrote:
    A little boy comes into the kitchen one day and says to his mum ''Granny's got a prawn!'' The mother says ''What on earth do you mean?'' The boy takes his mother and shows her Granny, stark naked asleep on the sofa.He points to grandma's protruding clitoris and says, ''Granny's got a prawn!'' His mother whisper's ''That's your grandmother's clitoris son!'' To which the little boy replies...''Well it tastes like a prawn!''
    i'm on the floor here andr'e that is the funniest joke i have ever heard..

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