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Thread: Pub Joke Thread

  1. #241
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    The Vatican has announced that the Papal election will be held on Tuesday.

    They haven't named the altar boy who will be holding it.

  2. #242
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    "Justin Bieber lashed out at a photographer as he lost his temper in the latest drama of his UK tour"

    The photographer is now recovering from a burst bladder after pissing himself laughing.

  3. #243
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    what do you call a French beach bum?

    Philipe Falop
    Last edited by cat's squirrel; 5th July 2015 at 23:44.
    cheers.....Bryan

    http://qualia.webs.com/

  4. #244
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    a women is in court charged with the murder of her partner, by beating him with his guitar collection.

    The judge asks ''first offender?''

    she replies,''no your honour, first a Gibson, then a Fender!''
    cheers.....Bryan

    http://qualia.webs.com/

  5. #245
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    They asked me for my email address at the deli counter in the supermarket. I'm now being inundated with spam.

  6. #246
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  7. #247
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    Why do the police HATE murder cases in Dundee?

    There are no dental records and ALL the DNA matches...

  8. #248
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    ^^^. . . .. . . . .
    You can only be young once, but you can be immature for ever.....

  9. #249
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    Quote Originally Posted by WullieD20 View Post
    ^^^. . . .. . . . .
    when I heard it, it was actually Fife in place of Dundee, still made me laugh though

  10. #250
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    A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town.


    With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humour!”


    The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."

  11. #251
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    A man is sitting in a bar looking depressed when a woman approaches and asks him what’s wrong. He tells her sadly that his girlfriend just left him and, after some pressuring, admits that it was because he was just too kinky for her.
    “What a coincidence!” exclamimed the woman. “My boyfriend just left me for the same reason.”
    The two hit it off and, after a few drinks, decided to go back to her place as it was nearest. The woman left the man alone in the living room and disappeared into the bedroom. After ten minutes she reappeared dressed in full leather and chains, with whip and ballgag in hand only to see the man about to leave.
    “Where are you going?” she asked. “I thought you were kinky.”
    “I am,” he replied. “I fucked your cat and just took a shit in your purse. I’m off home now.”

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