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Thread: Pub Joke Thread

  1. #21
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    Hehe...

    Elton John goes to a tattoo shop:

    "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock".

    The tattooist says:

    "Better make it a Land Rover the amount of shit it'll go through!"

    Marco.

  2. #22
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    GrahamP wrote:
    ELP FAN wrote:
    A little boy comes into the kitchen one day and says to his mum ''Granny's got a prawn!'' The mother says ''What on earth do you mean?'' The boy takes his mother and shows her Granny, stark naked asleep on the sofa.He points to grandma's protruding clitoris and says, ''Granny's got a prawn!'' His mother whisper's ''That's your grandmother's clitoris son!'' To which the little boy replies...''Well it tastes like a prawn!''
    i'm on the floor here andr'e that is the funniest joke i have ever heard..
    Aye yer nor hear owt like that befoower, based on true life experiences dees yer kno.

  3. #23
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    Marco wrote:
    Hehe...

    Elton John goes to a tattoo shop:

    "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock".

    The tattooist says:

    "Better make it a Land Rover the amount of shit it'll go through!"

    Marco.
    Nice one..

  4. #24
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    Marco wrote:
    Hehe...

    Elton John goes to a tattoo shop:

    "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock".

    The tattooist says:

    "Better make it a Land Rover the amount of shit it'll go through!"

    Marco.
    Well he is captain fantastic, the brown dirt cowboy,
    Thru.

  5. #25
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    thrunobulaxx wrote:
    Marco wrote:
    Hehe...

    Elton John goes to a tattoo shop:

    "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock".

    The tattooist says:

    "Better make it a Land Rover the amount of shit it'll go through!"

    Marco.
    Well he is captain fantastic, the brown dirt cowboy,
    Got his '73 LP John ''Don't shoot it up me, i'm only a piano player'' eh?

  6. #26
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    Thru, did you get my last PM?

    Marco.

  7. #27
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    Back in the late 70`s i went along with a pal to a do at the virginia waters gaff he had in surrey, fook me, he was wearing one of his elizabethan gowns that had a cage.

    I cant tell you what was under the cage for fear of getting sued, but one day its all gonna come out and the bad tempered little "sir" will be facing something similar to that other bad tempered "sir" when heather spills the beans
    Thru.

  8. #28
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    thrunobulaxx wrote:
    I cant tell you what was under the cage for fear of getting sued, but one day its all gonna come out and the bad tempered little "sir" will be facing something similar to that other bad tempered "sir" when heather spills the beans
    John try that again in Engleesh

  9. #29
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    ELP FAN wrote:
    thrunobulaxx wrote:
    I cant tell you what was under the cage for fear of getting sued, but one day its all gonna come out and the bad tempered little "sir" will be facing something similar to that other bad tempered "sir" when heather spills the beans
    John try that again in Engleesh
    You've got a cheek!
    Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)

    From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” (Matthew 4:17)

  10. #30
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    ELP FAN wrote:
    thrunobulaxx wrote:
    I cant tell you what was under the cage for fear of getting sued, but one day its all gonna come out and the bad tempered little "sir" will be facing something similar to that other bad tempered "sir" when heather spills the beans
    John try that again in Engleesh
    You will have to decipher it, i aint getting myself sued by the royalties of pop.

    Just think diminuative rent boys under the skirts
    Thru.

  11. #31
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    Guywalks in his front doorwith a sheep under his arm and says "Here's the pig we're looking after for the weekend."

    His wife says "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."

    He says "It's the sheep I was talking to."

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Guy looks out his window and sees four blokes carrying a coffin into the cemetry, a few hours later he looks out and sees the same blokes carrying the same coffin and thinks,



    They've lost the fuckin plot.

    X.

  12. #32
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    a ham sandwich goes into a pud and says to the barman...
    i'll have a pint of lager please..the barman says sorry we dont serve food in here.

  13. #33
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    A man is sitting on a plane waiting to take offwhen this absolute stunner sits next to him.

    He plucks up the courage to have a chat. "are you going on holiday?" he says.

    She replies, "No my name's Amy Hardhorn and I'm going to theNymphomaniac'sAnnual Conference."

    "Holy crap!" he thinks "Thank you God!". So, he continues "Surely the Italian's are the best lovers?" "Oh no!" saysMiss Hardhorn, "That would be the Greeks".

    "The Greeks? Then surely, the negro, is the best endowed?". She replies, "Surprising no, that would be the American Indian and the Irish men are the most romantic."

    Miss H continues, "I have given you all this information but I don't believe you've told me your name?"

    The man replies, "My name is Sitting Bull Popadopalus. But you can call me Paddy for short."

    Boom. Boom.
    20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please God, don't take Kevin Bacon

  14. #34
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    did you hear about the gay dyslexic..
    he had sex anually

  15. #35
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    A talking duck goes in to a bar. He asks the bartender.
    -Do you have bread?
    -No I don't
    He asks again
    -Do you have bread?
    -No I don't!
    He asks a third time
    -Do you have bread?
    -No damnit! If you ask for bread one more time i'll nail your beak shut.
    The duck asks:
    -Do you have nails?
    -No
    The duck asks
    -Do you have bread?

  16. #36
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    did you hear about the 2 poofs in a telephone box.




































    they were ringing each other

  17. #37
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    After her outburst on breakfast TV a psychologist has denounced Heather McCartney as clearly unbalanced.Sir Paul has phoned in saying normally a couple of beer matts under her left foot does the trick...

  18. #38
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    Teacher asks tim why is your cat at school today?..Tim says cryin i heard my dad tell my mum...i'm gonna eat that pussy when the kids go to school!..

  19. #39
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    how can you tell when an ethiopian is gonna be sick?

  20. #40
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    Dunno Rudes how can you tell when an ethiopian is gonna be sick?

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