+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Turning 50.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Honest Toun, , United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,687
    Rep Power
    246626

    Default Turning 50.

    Well I had a lovely week away in Torridon. Sadly, all holidays end and you have to come home.

    So, I see as I arrive home, a couple of birthday cards and a letter from the NHS. What can this be I ask myself. We blow me but they want me to send them three poop samples in an envelope to test me for bowel cancel.

    We'll I'm sorry but there's not an envelope been designed that could take one of my poops, nevermind three of them.

    The little help video suggests that I catch my poop in my hand - its not allowed to touch the bowl or the toilet water. For farks sake. My hand? - storing the little collector envelope in a box. I should repeat this over three movements. Holy mother of god. At least for the dog I can use a poo bag.

    I vote for a payrise for our posties. The whole mail system must be sloshing around with envelopes jam packed full of the nations over 50s turds.

    This must be some sort of piss take (pun intended.)

    Happy freakin' birthday.
    20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please God, don't take Kevin Bacon

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Birmingham
    Posts
    11,315
    Rep Power
    1792675

    Default

    They do things different in Scotland. I was called in for a mini colonoscopy, so a camera was shoved up me jacksie, not an all together unpleasant experience. Far more comfortable than the gastroscopy I had after.That was awful. As for pooping in one's hand three times, no thanks.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    7,934
    Rep Power
    215617

    Default

    I got one as well. I haven't sent it back yet. They could have provided gloves.
    Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31)

    From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” (Matthew 4:17)

  4. #4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ESK View Post
    Well I had a lovely week away in Torridon. Sadly, all holidays end and you have to come home.

    So, I see as I arrive home, a couple of birthday cards and a letter from the NHS. What can this be I ask myself. We blow me but they want me to send them three poop samples in an envelope to test me for bowel cancel.

    We'll I'm sorry but there's not an envelope been designed that could take one of my poops, nevermind three of them.

    The little help video suggests that I catch my poop in my hand - its not allowed to touch the bowl or the toilet water. For farks sake. My hand? - storing the little collector envelope in a box. I should repeat this over three movements. Holy mother of god. At least for the dog I can use a poo bag.

    I vote for a payrise for our posties. The whole mail system must be sloshing around with envelopes jam packed full of the nations over 50s turds.

    This must be some sort of piss take (pun intended.)

    Happy freakin' birthday.
    how much do you think you send? its only a tiny bit to test for hidden blood etc,bowel cancer is one of the biggest killers but also one of the easiest cured/prevented if early stage changes are found

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Tralfamadore
    Posts
    1,628
    Rep Power
    140063

    Default

    I'm bloody furious....no one has asked me for poop....I love pooping and lately I manage at least three a day. I had to go get some travel jabs on Friday and enquired at the time about results of blood tests last year...thy don't contact you to tell you any outcome over here lol. All good apparently so I asked if they would or had done a PSA test....Oh no was the reply...we only do that along with a fingers in the butt examination and we only do those if you think your prostate is about to explode....wtf....how would I know?

  6. #6

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Zygote23 View Post
    I'm bloody furious....no one has asked me for poop....I love pooping and lately I manage at least three a day. I had to go get some travel jabs on Friday and enquired at the time about results of blood tests last year...thy don't contact you to tell you any outcome over here lol. All good apparently so I asked if they would or had done a PSA test....Oh no was the reply...we only do that along with a fingers in the butt examination and we only do those if you think your prostate is about to explode....wtf....how would I know?
    thought they started checking you every 2yrs after you reached 60,not 50?

    http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/bowel-c...roduction.aspx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Honest Toun, , United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,687
    Rep Power
    246626

    Default

    50 in Scotland.
    20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please God, don't take Kevin Bacon

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Next door to the Clangers
    Posts
    11,964
    Rep Power
    40382555

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ESK View Post
    50 in Scotland.
    I put it in the bin

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Honest Toun, , United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,687
    Rep Power
    246626

    Default

    The kit or your poop?
    20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please God, don't take Kevin Bacon

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Next door to the Clangers
    Posts
    11,964
    Rep Power
    40382555

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ESK View Post
    The kit or your poop?
    lol. The kit, to be honest though i used to sell medicine for this arena, i know the symptoms and what to look for, I'll wait until then before requesting they look at a sample.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    glorious Devon
    Posts
    1,165
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    3428824

    Default

    I've finished my second one, and today had the all clear. A good job done. What are the rest of you afraid of?
    cheers.....Bryan

    http://qualia.webs.com/

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    The padded cell.
    Posts
    1,640
    Rep Power
    3389537

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cat's squirrel View Post
    I've finished my second one, and today had the all clear. A good job done. What are the rest of you afraid of?
    Yeah, exactly.....
    Attached Images
    Last edited by WullieD20; 30th June 2017 at 16:55.
    You can only be young once, but you can be immature for ever.....

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts